In 1999, with Jennifer Coolidge’s role as “Stiffler’s Mom” in American Pie, the term MILF became mainstream.  At this time, I had just turned 21 and becoming a mom was almost the furthest thing from my mind. The only thing further was actually considering a mother’s identity and sexuality.

 

In 2012, when I became a mom, immediately I clinged to my identity.    I loved my daughter and aspired to be the best mother I could be; and I still craved my own independence, my own experiences, my own goals.  

 

After having a baby, I did not spend much time thinking about my own sexuality.  And then early on in motherhood, still married, I went out for a drink with a friend.  A guy at the bar started talking to me, and I quickly informed him I was married with a baby, holding my drink with my left hand so he could see my ring.  His response, “Wow, you’re hot, especially for a mom.” (as a side, on my 21st birthday in Italy, same year “Stiffler’s Mom” made her grand entrance, I told a man in Italian I was married with five kids to keep him away from me).

 

I was floored.

 

Just a year and a half prior, I wasn’t pregnant, I wasn’t a mom.  Was I so much “hotter” then? Could have the stretching then shrinking of my uterus, sleepless nights, nursing, changing diapers, cleaning spit up and the stress of trying to keep a tiny human being alive and thriving already taken away my “looks”?  Or was it, simply, that I had joined motherhood, and therefore deemed “unsexy” unless I was one of the esteemed few, like “Stiffler’s Mom” or “Mrs Robinson”?

 

After I was floored, I was pissed.  How dare this man use the phrase “especially for a mom”. My hotness was entirely independent of whether or not I had a child.  As was my identity. Motherhood or not, I am who I am; I look how I look.

 

For women, motherhood or not, once we hit a certain age, we are faced with specific societal judgements.  This is not to say that men are not; it is simply to speak of what we as women face. We are reminded quite frequently that if we want to have a child, we need to by a certain age or we should “consider” alternatives; we become more and more familiar with botox, breast lifts, and skin care regiments.  I know I have never thought about my neck wrinkles as much as I have since turning 40. This is a painful admission, as I truly do have deeper, more pertinent things to consider and focus on in life.

As women and mothers our needs are often put on the back burner.  It feels insurmountable to work out, eat right, provide for your loved ones, have a healthy sex life, all the while feeling the pressure to look like we did when we were 25, whether it be from society or from within.   I am not saying I am going to show you how to have it all, what I am saying is that you can empower yourself to figure out what is best for you, your body, your wellness, your life with our SB MILF platform.

Our platform, the Self-Built MILF, is where we will have honest conversations; we will question societal “norms” in regards to sexuality, love, relationships, health and aging.  We will introduce you to individuals and practitioners who offer products, education and enlightenment which may push societal standards. We will address challenging topics, such as how you may want to raise or discuss issues of sexuality and independence with your children.  I know it is any day now where my sassy six year old, who knows she was in my belly, will ask how she ended up there in the first place, and to that I still have no satisfying answer.

As I embark on this new journey and platform, I am scared.  I know I will be judged. As someone who thrives in non-convention yet feels a pressure to conform, I am completely out of my comfort zone.  Yet this conversation is necessary and important; for our generation, as well as the future ones. It takes a certain personality to bring societal “tabbou” topics to the table, to discuss and, in essence, normalize and question why they are considered tabbou in the first place yet still show up in a “societally deemed acceptable way” for my loved ones, my clients, and especially my daughter.  With your support, I know I am that person.

“It is not the destination, it’s the journey.”

 

Welcome to Self-Built MILF.